Okay, I sat here and tried to decide if I was going to post this. I wrote this out of heartache and sadness – I haven’t gone through and edited it in any way.. this is just raw emotion that came through when it happened. I’m going to post it because it is a part of my life and it did happen and I was (and am) upset about it. It’s not finished, nor will I finish it. I’m not sure I can finish the post. It’s really interesting me to see this after not looking at it for a week and a half. I cannot tell you what it feels like to a lose a parent, even one that you’re not close with. It’s a lot like feeling alone – because despite the circumstances concerning the relationship, they’re still biologically your parents and when they die, you really have no one else on the planet that can replace them.

July has been a crazy month for me and definitely not in the ways I had expected. I’ll be back with more posts as I’m slowly getting back into the groove of things around here. I have 3 other personal websites that I manage as well as the ones I manage for work. It’s been a balancing act and I think that I’m finally getting the hang of it. Love you guys and see y’all soon!

xoxo, H 

roncollage

 

I’m not really sure where to start this post. I’m sad. I cried a lot today. My biological father passed away Thursday night. I was told today. He went into cardiac arrest and they weren’t able to revive him, from what I understand. I’m still waiting on the autopsy to find out for sure what the cause of death was. I apologize if this post is a little all over the place — Well, it will be all over the place — but hopefully it’ll make some sort of sense. At the very least it’ll make me feel better. 

One thing that I can tell you with out a doubt in my mind is that he loved me and my sister. He did. I know this. And when he found out that I had had children, he loved them immensely. I didn’t know him as well as I should have. I couldn’t tell you his favorite food or his favorite color. But what I can tell you is what I remember about him from when I was growing up. 

He gave me my ferret, Puddles. 

One time when we were visiting, he took us out to eat and we were playing the license plate game because we were right next to a window and we talked about how carrots were good for your eyes. 

He always had a mustache. Always. It was weird when he’d shave it off. 

He was a die-hard Raiders fan. 

When I was really little, he’d take us to a relatives house that had a big dog that was big enough that I could ride him. 

And right now I feel so horrible for not returning the phone calls. And not overlooking his faults. And losing touch with him. 

 

He was an alcoholic. He was sober when we did get back into contact with each other. Then he relapsed and I’m guessing he felt ashamed and felt the need to hide it from me, because he lied to me. I’d always rather have the truth than a lie. And that’s when we lost contact again, except for on Facebook. I was never really close with that side of the family and so they had to find me on facebook and tell me via messenger. That was sad to me, too. 

 

Then, I learned that they’re donating his body to the medical school and he won’t be buried or have any kind of service done. I can’t handle the thought of him being studied by med students. I don’t feel like I get any closure and that is probably really selfish of me to think that way. I’ve been told that that is what he wanted… so people can learn what long-term alcohol abuse does to your body. That he didn’t want any service, or funeral. I understand respecting someone’s wishes after they’ve died, I do. But, I’m human and I’m selfish and I want him to be buried and have a funeral. 

Author

Heather is a 29 year old Social Media specialist that enjoys writing, reading, video games, and nerdy things in general. She has two children, 3 dogs, and a handful of chickens. Her favorite fandoms are Star Wars, Tolkien, and the Harry Potter universe.

132 Comments

  1. I’ll immediately snatch your rss as I can’t to find your e-mail subscription link or newsletter service. Do you have any? Kindly allow me understand so that I may subscribe. Thanks.

  2. I was examining some of your blog posts on this internet site and I conceive this web site is rattling instructive! Continue putting up.

  3. Simply wish to say your article is as astonishing. The clarity in your post is just excellent and i could assume you’re an expert on this subject. Fine with your permission allow me to grab your RSS feed to keep updated with forthcoming post. Thanks a million and please carry on the gratifying work.

  4. Hi, I think your site might be having browser compatibility issues. When I look at your blog site in Ie, it looks fine but when opening in Internet Explorer, it has some overlapping. I just wanted to give you a quick heads up! Other then that, great blog!

  5. I¦ve recently started a website, the information you provide on this web site has helped me tremendously. Thank you for all of your time & work.

  6. Hey, you used to write excellent, but the last few posts have been kinda boringK I miss your tremendous writings. Past several posts are just a little bit out of track! come on!

  7. Hey! This is my first visit to your blog! We are a team of volunteers and starting a new initiative in a community in the same niche. Your blog provided us beneficial information to work on. You have done a extraordinary job!

  8. It is in point of fact a nice and useful piece of info. I¦m glad that you shared this useful info with us. Please keep us up to date like this. Thank you for sharing.

  9. You are my inspiration, I have few web logs and rarely run out from post :). “‘Tis the most tender part of love, each other to forgive.” by John Sheffield.

  10. Hey! Would you mind if I share your blog with my myspace group? There’s a lot of folks that I think would really enjoy your content. Please let me know. Thanks

  11. Great V I should certainly pronounce, impressed with your website. I had no trouble navigating through all tabs and related information ended up being truly simple to do to access. I recently found what I hoped for before you know it at all. Reasonably unusual. Is likely to appreciate it for those who add forums or anything, website theme . a tones way for your customer to communicate. Nice task..

  12. As a Newbie, I am continuously exploring online for articles that can aid me. Thank you

  13. Definitely, what a magnificent website and illuminating posts, I definitely will bookmark your website.Have an awsome day!

  14. I together with my pals happened to be checking out the good suggestions found on your site then quickly came up with an awful suspicion I never thanked the web site owner for them. My ladies appeared to be as a result joyful to read through all of them and have now really been using those things. I appreciate you for indeed being quite accommodating and then for selecting these kinds of nice useful guides millions of individuals are really wanting to learn about. My sincere apologies for not saying thanks to sooner.

  15. I simply want to mention I am beginner to blogging and site-building and seriously liked your web-site. More than likely I’m want to bookmark your website . You absolutely have outstanding articles. Bless you for sharing with us your blog.

  16. Magnificent goods from you, man. I’ve understand your stuff previous to and you’re just extremely magnificent. I really like what you’ve acquired here, certainly like what you are stating and the way in which you say it. You make it entertaining and you still take care of to keep it smart. I can not wait to read far more from you. This is really a great web site.

  17. I want to convey my gratitude for your kindness in support of all those that have the need for help on this important subject matter. Your real dedication to getting the solution throughout ended up being rather interesting and has truly empowered associates much like me to achieve their goals. Your own useful guideline implies this much to me and still more to my fellow workers. Thank you; from everyone of us.

  18. Very good blog! Do you have any recommendations for aspiring writers? I’m planning to start my own blog soon but I’m a little lost on everything. Would you suggest starting with a free platform like WordPress or go for a paid option? There are so many options out there that I’m completely confused .. Any tips? Thanks a lot!

  19. Excellent post. I was checking constantly this blog and I’m impressed! Extremely helpful info specifically the last part 🙂 I care for such info a lot. I was looking for this particular info for a very long time. Thank you and good luck.

  20. Terrific post however I was wanting to know if you could write a litte more on this subject? I’d be very thankful if you could elaborate a little bit more. Thank you!

  21. You could definitely see your skills in the paintings you write. The world hopes for more passionate writers like you who aren’t afraid to say how they believe. All the time follow your heart.

  22. Thank you for sharing excellent informations. Your site is very cool. I’m impressed by the details that you’ve on this website. It reveals how nicely you understand this subject. Bookmarked this website page, will come back for extra articles. You, my friend, ROCK! I found just the information I already searched everywhere and simply couldn’t come across. What an ideal site.

  23. Thank you for sharing excellent informations. Your web site is so cool. I am impressed by the details that you have on this site. It reveals how nicely you perceive this subject. Bookmarked this website page, will come back for more articles. You, my friend, ROCK! I found just the info I already searched all over the place and just couldn’t come across. What a perfect web site.

  24. I will immediately clutch your rss feed as I can not to find your email subscription hyperlink or e-newsletter service. Do you’ve any? Kindly permit me realize in order that I may just subscribe. Thanks.

  25. You made various nice points there. I did a search on the subject matter and found a good number of folks will go along with with your blog.

  26. Good post. I be taught something more challenging on totally different blogs everyday. It’ll at all times be stimulating to read content from different writers and follow a little something from their store. I’d favor to use some with the content material on my weblog whether you don’t mind. Natually I’ll give you a hyperlink in your internet blog. Thanks for sharing.

  27. I went over this site and I conceive you have a lot of great information, saved to favorites (:.

  28. We’re a group of volunteers and starting a new scheme in our community. Your website provided us with valuable information to work on. You’ve done an impressive job and our entire community will be thankful to you.

  29. Youre so cool! I dont suppose Ive read anything like this before. So good to seek out anyone with some original ideas on this subject. realy thank you for beginning this up. this web site is something that is wanted on the net, someone with a bit originality. useful job for bringing one thing new to the internet!

  30. Simply wish to say your article is as surprising. The clearness in your post is just nice and i can assume you are an expert on this subject. Well with your permission let me to grab your RSS feed to keep updated with forthcoming post. Thanks a million and please keep up the enjoyable work.

  31. Nice post. I used to be checking continuously this blog and I’m inspired! Very helpful information specifically the final phase 🙂 I handle such information much. I used to be looking for this certain information for a very lengthy time. Thanks and good luck.

  32. Thank you for sharing excellent informations. Your site is so cool. I’m impressed by the details that you have on this blog. It reveals how nicely you perceive this subject. Bookmarked this website page, will come back for more articles. You, my pal, ROCK! I found just the information I already searched everywhere and simply couldn’t come across. What a perfect site.

  33. I loved as much as you will receive carried out right here. The sketch is attractive, your authored material stylish. nonetheless, you command get bought an edginess over that you wish be delivering the following. unwell unquestionably come further formerly again since exactly the same nearly very often inside case you shield this increase.

  34. I have read a few good stuff here. Certainly worth bookmarking for revisiting. I surprise how much effort you put to create such a wonderful informative web site.

  35. I’m not sure where you’re getting your info, but good topic. I needs to spend some time learning much more or understanding more. Thanks for fantastic info I was looking for this info for my mission.

  36. I am really impressed with your writing skills as well as with the layout on your weblog. Is this a paid theme or did you customize it yourself? Either way keep up the excellent quality writing, it’s rare to see a nice blog like this one these days..

  37. Good write-up, I am normal visitor of one¦s website, maintain up the nice operate, and It’s going to be a regular visitor for a lengthy time.

  38. A lot of thanks for all your efforts on this site. My daughter really likes making time for internet research and it’s really obvious why. A lot of people learn all regarding the powerful medium you provide very helpful tricks on your web site and in addition encourage response from some other people on that theme and our favorite daughter is without question learning a whole lot. Take pleasure in the rest of the new year. You have been conducting a glorious job.

  39. It¦s really a great and helpful piece of info. I¦m glad that you shared this helpful information with us. Please stay us informed like this. Thanks for sharing.

  40. Good day very nice blog!! Guy .. Beautiful .. Superb .. I will bookmark your blog and take the feeds alsoKI’m happy to find a lot of helpful information here within the put up, we’d like work out more techniques on this regard, thank you for sharing. . . . . .

  41. hello there and thank you for your info – I have certainly picked up something new from right here. I did however expertise several technical issues using this web site, since I experienced to reload the site many times previous to I could get it to load properly. I had been wondering if your hosting is OK? Not that I am complaining, but sluggish loading instances times will often affect your placement in google and could damage your high-quality score if advertising and marketing with Adwords. Well I’m adding this RSS to my e-mail and could look out for a lot more of your respective exciting content. Make sure you update this again soon..

  42. I’ve been browsing online more than 3 hours as of late, but I by no means discovered any fascinating article like yours. It?¦s beautiful worth enough for me. In my view, if all webmasters and bloggers made good content material as you probably did, the net will likely be much more helpful than ever before.

  43. It’s exhausting to find educated people on this topic, however you sound like you realize what you’re speaking about! Thanks

  44. Generally I do not read post on blogs, but I wish to say that this write-up very forced me to try and do so! Your writing style has been surprised me. Thanks, very nice post.

  45. Hello There. I found your blog using msn. This is a very well written article. I’ll be sure to bookmark it and return to read more of your useful information. Thanks for the post. I will definitely return.

  46. My brother recommended I might like this website. He was totally right. This post truly made my day. You can not imagine just how much time I had spent for this information! Thanks!

  47. I am extremely impressed with your writing skills as well as with the layout on your blog. Is this a paid theme or did you modify it yourself? Either way keep up the excellent quality writing, it is rare to see a nice blog like this one these days..

  48. you are in reality a good webmaster. The site loading velocity is amazing. It sort of feels that you’re doing any distinctive trick. Furthermore, The contents are masterwork. you have performed a wonderful job on this topic!

  49. Hello there! This is my first comment here so I just wanted to give a quick shout out and say I genuinely enjoy reading your blog posts. Can you suggest any other blogs/websites/forums that cover the same topics? Many thanks!

  50. I simply had to thank you so much all over again. I am not sure the things that I would have taken care of in the absence of the type of advice contributed by you relating to such a situation. It had been a horrifying difficulty in my view, nevertheless being able to view this expert style you solved the issue made me to weep over joy. I will be happy for your advice as well as believe you realize what a powerful job that you are putting in instructing most people through the use of your blog. Most likely you haven’t got to know any of us.

  51. Simply wanna remark on few general things, The website layout is perfect, the subject matter is rattling excellent. “By following the concept of ‘one country, two systems,’ you don’t swallow me up nor I you.” by Deng Xiaoping.

  52. I like the helpful information you provide in your articles. I will bookmark your blog and check again here frequently. I am quite certain I’ll learn plenty of new stuff right here! Good luck for the next!

  53. You made several good points there. I did a search on the subject matter and found the majority of persons will consent with your blog.

  54. Great – I should certainly pronounce, impressed with your web site. I had no trouble navigating through all tabs as well as related information ended up being truly easy to do to access. I recently found what I hoped for before you know it in the least. Quite unusual. Is likely to appreciate it for those who add forums or anything, web site theme . a tones way for your client to communicate. Excellent task..

  55. I have been browsing online greater than three hours these days, but I by no means found any interesting article like yours. It’s lovely value enough for me. Personally, if all web owners and bloggers made just right content as you probably did, the net shall be a lot more helpful than ever before. “I finally realized that being grateful to my body was key to giving more love to myself.” by Oprah Winfrey.

  56. It?¦s really a nice and useful piece of info. I?¦m satisfied that you simply shared this useful information with us. Please keep us informed like this. Thank you for sharing.

  57. I’ve recently started a site, the information you provide on this website has helped me greatly. Thanks for all of your time & work. “Men must be taught as if you taught them not, And things unknown proposed as things forgot.” by Alexander Pope.

  58. Amazing! This blog looks exactly like my old one! It’s on a totally different topic but it has pretty much the same layout and design. Excellent choice of colors!

  59. Currently it sounds like Movable Type is the top blogging platform out there right now. (from what I’ve read) Is that what you’re using on your blog?

  60. Hiya, I’m really glad I’ve found this info. Nowadays bloggers publish only about gossips and web and this is actually annoying. A good site with exciting content, this is what I need. Thank you for keeping this web site, I’ll be visiting it. Do you do newsletters? Cant find it.

  61. This is the proper weblog for anyone who wants to search out out about this topic. You realize a lot its nearly exhausting to argue with you (not that I actually would want…HaHa). You definitely put a new spin on a topic thats been written about for years. Great stuff, just great!

  62. Hmm is anyone else experiencing problems with the pictures on this blog loading? I’m trying to find out if its a problem on my end or if it’s the blog. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

  63. I just couldn’t depart your web site before suggesting that I extremely enjoyed the standard info a person provide for your visitors? Is going to be back often to check up on new posts

  64. I’m still learning from you, but I’m improving myself. I absolutely enjoy reading all that is posted on your website.Keep the stories coming. I liked it!

  65. Yay google is my world beater helped me to find this outstanding internet site! .

  66. Along with almost everything which appears to be developing inside this area, many of your points of view are generally very exciting. On the other hand, I appologize, because I do not give credence to your entire theory, all be it exciting none the less. It would seem to everyone that your opinions are actually not entirely validated and in fact you are generally your self not really thoroughly certain of the assertion. In any event I did enjoy reading it.

  67. Howdy! This is my first comment here so I just wanted to give a quick shout out and say I truly enjoy reading through your blog posts. Can you recommend any other blogs/websites/forums that cover the same topics? Thank you so much!

  68. I’d have to examine with you here. Which is not one thing I usually do! I take pleasure in reading a post that may make folks think. Additionally, thanks for permitting me to comment!

  69. I have learn a few excellent stuff here. Definitely price bookmarking for revisiting. I wonder how much attempt you set to make this sort of magnificent informative website.

  70. I really like what you guys are up too. This kind of clever work and reporting! Keep up the good works guys I’ve incorporated you guys to my own blogroll.

  71. Good post. I study one thing more difficult on different blogs everyday. It is going to at all times be stimulating to read content from different writers and practice a little bit something from their store. I’d choose to use some with the content on my weblog whether you don’t mind. Natually I’ll give you a link in your net blog. Thanks for sharing.

  72. F*ckin’ remarkable things here. I am very glad to see your post. Thanks a lot and i’m looking forward to contact you. Will you kindly drop me a e-mail?

  73. you are really a good webmaster. The web site loading speed is incredible. It seems that you are doing any unique trick. In addition, The contents are masterpiece. you’ve done a great job on this topic!

  74. Hi! I’ve been reading your website for a long time now and finally got the courage to go ahead and give you a shout out from Houston Texas! Just wanted to mention keep up the good job!

  75. My wife and i were now happy Edward could conclude his reports by way of the precious recommendations he acquired using your weblog. It’s not at all simplistic to simply find yourself making a gift of ideas that many men and women may have been trying to sell. And we also take into account we’ve got the blog owner to thank for that. All of the explanations you made, the simple website navigation, the friendships you assist to engender – it’s all exceptional, and it is helping our son in addition to us believe that this content is exciting, which is truly pressing. Thanks for all!

  76. I simply could not depart your website prior to suggesting that I really loved the usual info an individual provide to your guests? Is gonna be back frequently to check out new posts.

  77. Whats up very nice blog!! Man .. Beautiful .. Wonderful .. I’ll bookmark your website and take the feeds also…I’m happy to search out so many useful info here within the post, we’d like work out extra techniques on this regard, thank you for sharing. . . . . .

  78. Nice read, I just passed this onto a colleague who was doing a little research on that. And he actually bought me lunch as I found it for him smile So let me rephrase that: Thanks for lunch! “Not only is the universe stranger than we imagine, it is stranger than we can imagine.” by Sir Arthur Eddington.

  79. hello there and thanks in your info – I have certainly picked up anything new from right here. I did then again experience some technical points the usage of this web site, as I skilled to reload the site a lot of occasions prior to I could get it to load correctly. I had been pondering in case your web host is OK? No longer that I’m complaining, but sluggish loading circumstances occasions will sometimes impact your placement in google and could harm your high-quality rating if ads and ***********|advertising|advertising|advertising and *********** with Adwords. Well I am including this RSS to my e-mail and can look out for a lot extra of your respective fascinating content. Ensure that you update this once more very soon..

  80. Usually I don’t read post on blogs, but I wish to say that this write-up very forced me to try and do it! Your writing style has been amazed me. Thanks, quite nice post.

  81. Pretty component to content. I simply stumbled upon your weblog and in accession capital to claim that I acquire actually loved account your blog posts. Anyway I will be subscribing to your augment or even I fulfillment you get admission to constantly rapidly.

  82. Hi there I am so delighted I found your website, I really found you by mistake, while I was searching on Askjeeve for something else, Nonetheless I am here now and would just like to say thanks for a marvelous post and a all round interesting blog (I also love the theme/design), I don’t have time to go through it all at the moment but I have book-marked it and also added in your RSS feeds, so when I have time I will be back to read a lot more, Please do keep up the excellent work.

  83. That’s something I’ll have to check into. It’s hard getting any information out of anyone over there so I’ll have to figure out who I have to call.

  84. I am so sorry for you loss Heather. I’m wishing you all the best through this hardship. <3

  85. My dearest Heather… I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. I sort of understand. I heard about a year ago that my biological Father wasn’t doing well and it really go to me… despite the fact that we haven’t spoken in nearly a decade. He’s still my Dad. So I understand, and you have every right to have these feelings.

    There may not be a funeral, but they will eventually cremate the body. My late husband donated his body to science and when they were done, they cremated him and gave his ashes to his Mother. You may want to look into that.

  86. Oh Heather…. ***hugs*** cause that’s pretty much all I could do to make this any easier.

  87. Its very normal for you to want a funeral or a memorial service of some sort for closure. It is honorable that your father donated his body for people to learn from but I agree they could still do something to remember him. I lost my grandmother last year and she was like my mother and I am not over it today, I don’t know I ever will get over it just know whatever you are experiencing, thinking, feeling right now is yours and you have the right to it. I do wish there had been an autopsy on my grandmother bc why she died is still vague and unanswered other than “she went septic”. I hope you can find something to help you get the closure you desire and need.

  88. I am really sorry to hear this. I know what it’s like to lose a parent you aren’t close with. It really shatters your world, regardless of (and maybe somewhat owing to) not having that stereotypical parent/child bond. It is a wound that will never fully heal, really, and I guess maybe it’s not supposed to. If you need to talk I’m here.

Write A Comment